


Krusty Khemistry

by Anonymous



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8187437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Five times Mr. Krabs tried to catch his employees in the act, and one time he finally did.





	

Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the Krabby Patty, the most culinary, complex creation of one Eugene Krabs. Some say the secret of his success lies not in the quality of the food but in the chemistry between the two employees who make and serve it to others. The only problem with good chemistry is that it can, at times, be unpredictable. In the years working with Spongebob and Squidward, Mr. Krabs found that, if left alone, there's a one in six chance that their chemistry evolves into a more _physical_ kind of science. The kind that he doesn't pay them for and therefore shouldn't be done on the clock but rather after working hours.

I.  
"Money! Money! Counting me money!" Mr. Krabs sang to himself while stacking coins one by one and taking note of the amount on his mental ledger. Eugene was talented with anything that had to do with making, counting and, most importantly, saving money. That's why it would break his heart every time he'd have to part with a little bit of his wealth to buy his beloved daughter a new pair of shoes or, god forbid, pay his not-so-beloved employees' salaries. Unfortunately for him, the latter was indeed due. He removed two nickels from one of the many stacks of coins on the table and placed each one in two separate envelopes, one labeled "Spongebob" and the other "Squidward." Attempting desperately to think of a scheme to keep the money from the two, Mr. Krabs came out blank and decided to look for them and hand over their dues before he changed his mind.

Upon leaving his private quarters, Mr. Krabs saw that Squidward wasn't manning the register. Thankfully there were no customers in line otherwise he would have had a heart attack at the thought of "his money getting away". He entered the kitchen and saw that Spongebob wasn't working the grill.

"Hmm. Those two better not be in the freezer again."

Remembering that the last time they were caught in the act, it was surrounded by a bunch of Krabby Patties in the vault, he opened it up only to find it empty.

"Thank Neptune. Last time I had a hard time selling those Krabby Patties on account of customers not liking the special sauce that was used."

Mr. Krabs shut the door to the vault and headed back to his office only to find Squidward and Spongebob arriving through the main entrance.

"Ahoy there buckos. Where were you two?"

"Mr. Krabs, we were delivering the pizza you told us to deliver not more than an hour ago." Squidward said angrily.

"And boy did they love it!" Spongebob exclaimed.

"Fine. Here's your salary, by the way." Mr. Krabs replied while handing over the envelopes.

Mr. Krabs went back to counting the money in his office.

II.  
"Spongebob, I need three orders of Krabby Patties with fries and drinks."

"Order up!"

"I would like one Krabby Patty."

"That'll be $2.99."

"Spongebob, one more Krabby Patty."

"Coming right up!"

Mr. Krabs could hear the sound of money entering his cash register which meant money entering his pockets. In his own head, the conversations between customers and his employees sounded something like:

"CHA-CHING, CHA-CHING"

"CHA-CHING!"

"CHA-CHING"

"CHA-CHING, CHA-CHING"

"CHA-CHING!"

Which is why when the conversations ended, so did the wondrous sound of money.

Thinking that those two were at it again, he walked outside to find that, not only was there a customer unattended but that Spongebob and Squidward were running in circles trying to catch something. Something small.

"You'll never catch me, Eugene!" Plankton shouted at the top of his lungs, which to everyone else still sounded a little bit faint.

"Quick, Mr. Krabs, he's got the formula!" Spongebob shrieked.

Squidward went back to the register, not to attend to the customer but to continue reading his book.

"Hands off me formuler, Plankton!" Mr. Krabs grabbed hold of a Krabby Patty clearly in the hands of a customer and threw it at Plankton.

Fearing for his life, Plankton dropped the formula, dodged the flying burger and hightailed it back out the door before being hit with a golf club by Mr. Krabs himself.

"Fore!" Mr. Krabs shouted.

"Curse you, Krabs!" Plankton cried out while flying back to the Chum Bucket.

"Hey, can I get another Krabby Patty?" The customer asked.

Mr. Krabs stared at him for a few seconds before pointing him to the register "Not without paying."

III.  
Mr. Krabs was heading back to the Krusty Krab after running some errands.

Passing by the houses of his employees which so happen to be right next to each other, he heard some sounds coming from the Easter Island Head. He knocked on the door to make sure Squidward wasn't playing hooky.

"I guess it was all in my head," he said to himself.

While walking back to the Krusty Krab, he then heard something similar coming from the big pineapple. Now something seemed off. Mr. Krabs was about to knock on the door but he realized that they might notice he's onto them. His eyes narrowed as he saw a window that he could peer through.

From outside, he saw Gary watching television while munching on snail food.

He laughed, realized he was being paranoid and began walking towards the restaurant again.

CRASH!

Mr. Krabs heard a loud noise from Squidward's house and barged in only to find Patrick gobbling up everything in the refrigerator.

"Okay, I've seen enough." Mr. Krabs left and went back to the Krusty Krab.

IV.  
Squidward arrived to the restaurant around the same time he always does, not a minute later or earlier than the opening time. Instead of seeing Spongebob cleaning the floors or readying the grill, he saw him just waiting outside which was quite odd.

"What're you doing, Spongebob?"

"Mr. Krabs told me he's setting up the Krusty Towers again. Aren't you excited? Room service!"

"You're kidding me! Does he want me to quit and book a room again? Because I will! I swe-"

"Mornin' boys!" Mr. Krabs greeted the two. "Just for today, I've decided to reopen the hotel."

"And why would you want to do that?" Squidward responded. "It didn't work out too well the last time," he added.

"Anchovies! We're expecting anchovies today and we gotta raise the prices of things. Try to get them to book rooms instead of just buy Krabby Patties."

"There's no way I'm going to be a part of th--" Squidward was cut off.

"Look, bucko! I know the last time didn't go so well. The only problem was that ridiculous plaque. If the customer requests something ridiculous, we can deny them. Is that fair?"

"Fine. Just one day, two days tops," Squidward replied.

Everyone was fixing the rooms or getting the place ready. All was fine except Mr. Krabs couldn't find his two bellboys.

"Where could they have gone again?"

He checked to make sure that they weren't the ones that were "getting a room".

"Squidward! Spongebob! Where are you both?!"

Suddenly the front door popped open and a wave of anchovies came swarming in the hotel lobby.

"This is not the Krusty Krab! This is the Krusty Towers and we will only be serving food to those who've booked a room!" He shouted at the sea of anchovies.

Many left and some stayed. The elevator door opened and both Spongebob and Squidward came out to begin taking their bags and bringing them upstairs.

"Where were ye both? Mr. Krabs asked the two.

"We were setting up the rooms! We can't let them stay in anything but the finest that the Krusty Towers can offer!" Spongebob responded.

"That's my boy! Now hurry up, we've got a lot of money, er I mean work ahead of us!"

V  
"Mr. Squidward, why are you sleeping on the job?" Mr. Krabs said while prodding him.

"Mr. Krabs, we haven't had a customer all day! Can't we just take the day off?"

"It's a Friday! It's always one of our busiest days, there's got to be an explanation why nobody hasn't come in yet."

Mr. Krabs walked outside to see that a crowd had formed.

"Spongebob! Squidward! Check to see what the commotion's about. Whatever's going on there is stopping customers from coming here."

"Aye aye, captain! Spongebob said while dragging Squidward by the hand out the door.

Fifteen minutes later, Spongebob and Squidward had come back form the crowd.

"Well? What was the hold up? You guys weren't making out again, were you?"

"What? No!" Squidward was flustered and couldn't make out a decent argument.

"Yeah, we didn't do that today." Spongebob blurted out. "It turns out, that crowd was waiting for us! We left the sign on Closed."

+1  
The week was about to finish. It was a Saturday, and Mr. Krabs had already paid his employees' salaries, and he hadn't run into any incidents between the two. He was about to enjoy Sunday off and he couldn't wait for Monday because he was excited to, once again, count the bounty of his hard earned work and his frugal lifestyle. It was a good week.

He saw that the tables were full. Nobody lining up behind the cash register, similarly nobody manning the cash register.

As expected, nobody was manning the grill either. Who'd need to if there were no customers and no cashier to give orders?

"Ah, almost over. What a good week." Mr. Krabs told himself. "Good and profitable, if I may add. Heh heh."

A customer approached Mr. Krabs and asked for a refund. There are few things that Mr. Krabs hates more than having to return money to a paying customer.

"A refund? Why, what's wrong?" He asked the customer.

"Well, this same thing happened last week but the Krabby Patty tastes different, it has this weird sauce which I never order--"

Mr. Krabs rudely walked away from the customer and towards the Patty Vault. He opened the door to the somewhat familiar sight of Spongebob on top of Squidward. Clothes nowhere to be found, juices spilled all over the Krabby Patties.

"Okay, I've seen enough." Mr. Krabs picked up a fresh Krabby Patty, walked out the vault, handed the burger to the irate customer. "Free of charge," he told him before proceeding back to his private quarters.

"Do you think he saw us?" Spongebob asked Squidward.

Squidward shrugged and they continued.


End file.
